“A tree lives on its roots. If you
change the root, you change the tree. Culture lives in human beings. If you
change the human heart the culture will follow.”—Jane Hirshfield
Compassion is a virtue that springs
from a merciful heart.
And it is defined in the dictionary as having feelings
of sympathy for the suffering of others and then having a genuine desire to
help in lessening or eradicating that suffering.
It is a moral
quality of mercy and benevolence.
This definition
is made more visceral by the following thoughts from the American social thinker,
Henri Nouwen as he elucidates further on the force of compassion:
“Compassion asks us
to go where it hurts, to enter into the places of pain, challenges us to cry
out with those in misery, to mourn with those who are lonely, (and) to weep
with those in tears.”
From the foregoing,
it is clear that true compassion is never passive. True compassion compels us
to stand up for the weak, even when we are in need of help ourselves. The compassionate
heart feels with empathy and then bears the burden of easing the sufferer’s pains
with cheerful deeds of altruism.
It is that lofty
virtue which drove a high-earning actress away from the glitter and glamour of
show business into the humble life of humanitarian service.
Audrey
Hepburn was the performer in question. She was a classic example of mercy and compassion!
Audrey gave
the rest of her life to serve the needs of many helpless people in the war torn
regions of Africa and Asia, voluntarily and vigorously. In the next couple of
words, she revealed the motive behind her noble transition.
She said: “Nothing
is more important than empathy for another human being's suffering: not a
career, not wealth, not intelligence, certainly not status. We have to feel for
one another if we're going to survive with dignity.”
If you
disagree with her assertion, then read what one of the greatest thinkers of the
medieval period had to say about this. Saadi Shirazi, the author of the
powerful book, ‘Rose Garden’ wrote as follows:
“The sons
of Adam are limbs of each other, having been created of one essence. When the
calamity of time affects one limb, the other limbs cannot remain at rest. If
you have no sympathy for the troubles of others, you are unworthy to be called
by the name of a human.”
In the meantime,
let’s turn this feeling of mercy towards ourselves….
How Self-Compassion Can
Make You Better
Sometimes, we are
our own worst enemies, especially when we have made a few mistakes. During
those tough times, we can easily strike out and cripple our own progress when positive
thinking will serve us the best.
And researches show
that harsh self-criticism is one of the causes of blockages in creative
breakthroughs and thus, less than optimal productivity. Therefore, it is smart
to be compassionate with yourself whenever you feel unhappy because you have
done less than your best. Doing this will help you to
bounce back quite quickly.
To support this
argument, David Desteno, a fellow of the Association for Psychological Science writes
in his book—Emotional Success—that: “When students were encouraged to be
compassionate with themselves, after performing poorly on a test, they subsequently
worked 30% harder.”
You see, self-compassion
proves to be as helpful to us as compassion is helpful to others in times of
trouble.
We should
never forget that we are human, and no human being is awesome all the time. Therefore,
we need to understand that it is not a crime to underperform every now and
then.
In this
regards, the iconic servant leader—Audrey Hepburn— still has something valuable
to teach us. She said: “As you grow older, you will discover that you have two
hands, one (is) for helping yourself, the other (is) for helping others.”
So, don’t run yourself
down, when you hit a difficult wall, but lend yourself a helping hand and lift
yourself up from every slump.
Instead of saying:
“I am a complete failure,” which will attract a host of other negative emotions
to keep you stuck in a hole. You should say: “For champions, everything is a
learning experience, and I will try to do better next time.”
The former can turn
the bad into something far worse, but the later will likely make the most of the
bad. This is how self-compassion can help you get better.
Compassion towards Others Still Benefits Us
Even though compassion
is driven by the urge to help others, we are somehow helping ourselves in the
process. Psychology experts have discovered that those who willingly help others
can enjoy higher level of mental wellness than those cold hearts that sincerely
care for no one but themselves.
If we think about
it in our own experience, we will realize how true that is. When we give hope
to someone in a hopeless situation, we are likely to discover better insights on
how to deal with our own problems. As the Eastern saying goes: "Be merciful
to those on earth and the One in Heaven will have mercy on you.”
To put this
knowledge into practice, l want to ask myself the following questions, at the
beginning of each day:
Will I bring a
smile to someone's face today?
Will I refuse to
get angry today?
Will I choose to
forgive my enemies today?
Will I choose to
help the needy today?
Will I choose to
let go of perfectionism today?
Live your life with
the conscious awareness that, in a world filled with hatred and cruelty, you
can make one more person feel better through your compassion; likewise, you can
also make yourself become a little bit better with the right application of
self-compassion.
Finally, the Persian
poet, Rumi brings the whole thing into a beautiful end for us with these wonderful
words: “The only lasting beauty is the beauty of the heart.” And the beauty of
the heart—as we have seen— is demonstrated by the deeds of love which we choose
to do for others and also to our own ourselves.
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