LEARN TO CEASE THE INSIDIOUS HABIT OF GOSSIP

“In our appetite for gossip, we tend to gobble down everything before us, only to find, too late, that it is our ideals we have consumed, and we have not been enlarged by the feasts but only diminished.”—  Pico Iyer

How we live, whether right or wrong, good or bad, large or small manifests in our behavior which, with enough repetition crystallizes into a habit and will, if not changed, subsequently form our character identity and eventually our destiny.

So it is important to examine our established behaviours and take a step to change the unwholesome kinds to better habits in all aspects of our lives. That is why the classical Greek, Athenian scholar, Socrates counseled that, “We can’t live better than in seeking to become better.”

One of such behaviours we need to be careful about is gossip; which is: “A conversation about the personal details of other people's lives, whether rumor or fact, especially when malicious,” according to Encarta dictionary.

Some people may consider gossip a trivial matter that shouldn’t mean much in a circle of serious self-improvement. But I hope to convince you by the end of this article how serious and damaging gossip can be, not only to its victims but even to the gossipers themselves. 

The habit of gossip is not harmless, though it may appear so and that is why it is insidious. It diverts our attention from dealing with our personal problems into verbal and artificial correction of other people’s blunders.

I try to guard myself against this subtle human flaw; I hope you will strive to do even better after knowing the full nature of this invisible foe.

The most detailed and accurate description of gossip I have ever come across was a poem written by an American columnist with the pen name, Abigail Van Buren, popularly addressed as “Dear Abby.” The poem was so good that it made its first appearance on The Wall Street Journal. Here it is:

“My name is Gossip. I have no respect for justice. I maim without killing. 

I break hearts and ruin lives. I am cunning and malicious and gather strength with age. 

The more I am quoted, the more I am believed. My victims are helpless. 

They cannot protect themselves against me because I have no name and no face. 

To track me down is impossible. The harder you try, the more elusive I become. 

I am nobody’s friend. Once I tarnish a reputation, it is never the same. 

I topple governments and wreck marriages. I ruin careers and cause sleepless nights, heartaches and indigestion. 

I make innocent people cry in their pillows. Even my name hisses. I am called Gossip.

I make headlines and headaches. Before you repeat a story, ask yourself: 

Is it true? Is it harmless? Is it necessary? If it isn’t, don’t repeat it.”

WAY FORWARD: DECIDE TO ALWAYS MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS

“Refusing to gossip is a beautiful decision to make.” –Lysa TerKeurst

With the above explicit poem on gossip, it should be clear why it is necessary to make a decision not to poison your mind and defile your tongue with other people’s mess-ups—some of which may be a complete lie. 

Dr. David Schwartz explains in his book, Magic of Thinking Big, how every negative conversation is a “dose of poison” for the mind that is serious about success and progress in life. 

Schwartz also said it is a habit of small thinkers, and Eleanor Roosevelt agreed by saying, “Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.”

To raise ourselves above the average of ethics, we must eschew gossip as much as possible. And the simplest way to do that, is to ask ourselves this question, whenever we are tempted:

Does this really concern me? 

If the answer is no, then we should bluntly disengage and put our personal resources—our thoughts, time and focus— to better use; on the things that can make our life better, going forward.

To develop this new habit of intentional living, we should keep close to our heart the words of the Greek stoic philosopher, Epictetus quoted below to subdue allure of gossip, every single time. He said:

“Don’t ever speak of bad or harm on anything that is not your responsibility.”

Obviously, that applies to anyone as well. 

In short, restrain your tongue when it comes to talking wantonly about the negative affairs of other people, even when you know it is true. That is an element of strong character, if you dare.