It is Less about Your Gene but More about Your Habits

“Men's natures are alike; it is their habits that separate them.”    Confucius

We all have things that we’d like to accomplish. Some people want to be fit. Others want to be good at public speaking. While some like to be skillful in art.  Modicums of people want to be successful in business.

And in spite of our best intentions, a number of us are unable to achieve those goals. Why? Our bad habits get in the way of making them a reality.

These habits repeat themselves not because we don’t desire change but because inveterate habits by their nature are compulsive and gripping. 

Since no one can rise higher than the limits of their habits, we therefore remain stuck in a valley of mediocrity due to habits like apathy and delay. 

To free yourself from the grip of these vices, let’s consider another strategy for a change: 

Suspend the end goal for a while and instead focus on changing your habits. 

For examples:

Instead of obsessing about becoming a best-selling author; establish the habit of writing one paragraph per day.

Instead of fixating on becoming the fittest person in your community; establish the habit of doing five push-ups per day.

Instead of dreaming about becoming an impressive speaker; set up the habit of learning one new vocabulary each day.

This is how to forge a new identity in personal effectiveness as the social activist, Horace Mann observes:   “Habit is a cable; (and) we weave a thread of it each day.”

It is this approach that transformed the life of Stephen Guise after wallowing in the valley of stagnation for more than ten years. He is now a successful author of the powerful book: ‘Mini-Habits:  Smaller Habits, Bigger Results.’

 Below are some thoughts from the book that are relevant to the theme of this article:

One: “We’re quick to blame ourselves for lack of progress, but slow to blame our strategies.”

Two: “A mini habit is a very small positive behavior that you force yourself to do every day.”

Three: “When you add good habits into your life, it illuminates another possible path, restores your confidence, and gives you hope.”

Here is what you need to grasp: Your success starts not when you become what you envision but it starts when you have established the habit of doing what is relevant to taking you there. 

For examples: …

Writing: It doesn’t start when you publish a book, but when you have become someone who writes habitually. 

Health and Fitness: It doesn’t start when you have the fittest form; it starts when you have become the kind of person who eats right and exercises regularly. 

Running: It doesn’t start when you finish a marathon but when you have become someone who can’t do without running. 

And as a result of this process, you will establish the inner confidence of the type of remarkable person you truly yearn to become—long before the reality is noticeable to others.

This is the secret that differentiates the best among us from the rest of us, as the British novelist, William Makepeace Thackeray said: “Successful people aren't born that way. They become successful by establishing the habit of doing things unsuccessful people don't like to do.” 

And he added that: “The successful people don't always like these things themselves; they just get on and do them.”

Now, how do you get on to do what you don’t ordinarily like to do? 

Answer: make the task so small that you can’t say no to doing it, on any day.

You see, outstanding winners in any area of life are winners not because of their special genes but because they have established certain habits to enable their success. And if we want to replicate their wins, we must take charge of our habits for the realization of our own visions.

Therefore, build the habit first and the goal will take care of itself. And as you start to remold your habit with doable, right actions for you, you will start to feel better about yourself . And when you get to this zone; it is only a matter of time for your vision to become a real thing of beauty.

This is where you get the full conviction that it is less about your gene; it is more about your habits. And with such kind of self knowledge; you can make almost anything happen.

So we need to work on our habits before we can experience any transformational change in our lives, as the English poet, John Dryden concluded: “We first make our habits, and then our habits make us.”

Sleep is Essential for Health and Peak Performance

"Every hour you spend on your rear ends (at night) saps your energy and ruins your health"—Tom Rath

Sleep is not trivial.

In contrast to what I have heard some people say that sleep is a form of time wasting necessity in which nothing meaningful is being done. Actually, sleep is what enables the replenishment of our mental and physical energy. And energy is what we need to be functional during our waking hours.

In cumulative sense, sleep deprivation can weaken our immune system, put our vital organs at risk, and make us vulnerable to various kinds of serious ailments. 

When we sleep well at night, we are setting ourselves up for maximum efficiency in a stress-free way, the following day. However, if we buy into the idea that we can freely cut-off time from sleep to do more work each night, we will expose ourselves to groggy feelings and inaccurate thinking all through the day.

According to the American Academy of Sleep Medicine and The National Sleep Foundation and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, a matured person needs quality sleep for health and vitality.  

In addition, Matthew Walker, a professor of neuroscience and psychology at University of California, and a former professor of psychiatry at Harvard University writes in his New York Times bestselling book, ‘Why We Sleep: Unlocking the Power of Sleep and Dreams,’ that:

“Routinely sleeping less than six or seven hours a night demolishes your immune system.” And he continues that, “Humans need more than seven hours of sleep each night to maintain cognitive performance.” 

And he concludes with this:  “After sixteen hours of being awake, the brain begins to fail.” With the foregoing, I expect you thinking, ‘Wow! Sleep is this important!’

So, if I have convinced you of the importance of ‘mere’ slumber, it is high time to get started on making a positive change for sleeping better. Quality sleep doesn’t just happen, it needs to be designed and planned for. 

That’s what we are about to do now with three simple tips:

1} Wake Up at the Same Time Each Day

The way to train your body for a good slumber habit is to sleep and wake up by your own design, every single day. 

To accomplish this, set an alarm for the same wake up time, every day and resist the temptation to snooze, on any day. 

You should ascertain the hours your body needs to be well rested each night, and discipline yourself to keep those hours on a regular basis.

2} Go to Bed at the Same Time, Each Night

One of the secrets of the most extra-ordinary people is that they wake up at the same time, everyday. 

Is it because of their gene, you may ask? No. The secret is: many of them go to bed, the same time, every night, without fail. As a result, it became natural for them to wake up at the exact same time, every morning. 

Now, Mathew Walker has something important to say at this point. He says that if you can take away the following bit of advice from his book, you will be way ahead of many readers who read the book without put the nugget into action.  

And it is this: 

“Go to bed and wake up at the same—everyday— no matter what.”

It is simple enough, right? But only if, you actually do it. 

Furthermore, make sure your bedroom is adequately designed to support quality sleep. And build yourself a good pre-sleep routine to prepare your brain that the time for slumber is near, then go to bed when it is just that time.

3} Keep in mind that, Sleep Is Not Trivial

There is a proverb that says “A wood cutter doesn’t lose his time by sharpening his axe.” So don’t deny yourself the benefit of complete renewal through quality sleep by assuming you can force yourself to get more done at the expense of necessary slumber. 

Quite the contrary, when you sharpen your axe, you can cut far more trees in less time. But with a dead axe, you will end up spending a lot more time, a lot more energy and whole lot of additional stress, cutting fewer trees. 

Finally, living a healthy productive life involves the way you sleep, and the quality of the hours in which you sleep. In a nutshell, for anyone who cares about sound health, efficiency, creativity and maximum impact in this life, sleep is never a trivia.

I hope I have done my job in making this crystal clear by now.

Thanks for stopping by.

Small Lanes Lead to Big Destinations

“Remember to dream big, think long-term, underachieve on a daily basis, and take baby steps. That is the key to long-term success.”—Robert Kiyosaki 

Great things rarely start big.

In most, if not all cases, big things start small. The fattest person or the strongest body builder was once a tiny infant. The biggest elephant in the forest was once a small cub. And the largest whale in the ocean was once a small calf. 

Even outside the natural world of biology, the same principle applies. The biggest and the most popular companies in the world—like Apple, Microsoft, Toyota — were all started small by one, unknown individual.

Concisely, in the physical world of creation, massive entities start small and grow steadily.

However, in today’s world of overnight celebrities, many people want to go big from the very beginning, and as a result get nowhere because of this misguided notion. They fail to understand the old age truism that the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step—a single, small step.

We easily forget that many of the great things that we enjoy today started as tiny things. Afterwards, those tiny things went through a long process of growth and evolution to get to their current size and status. 

When we understand this truth, we gain the power to make anything possible, which is what the most effective people know.

The Secret of the Most Effective People

In her book, ‘Small Move, Big Change,’ Caroline Arnold demonstrates the power of baby steps towards the realization of big goals, whether it is building a business, running for office or starting a foundation for charity. 

In the book, she explains that we can’t become what we wish unless we start doing something to make it happen. That is, if we want to be an entrepreneur, we need to actually start doing something in that direction, no matter how small.

The main idea in the book is the secret of giants, the priceless few who have overcome their resistance to action. She calls it: ‘micro-resolutions.’ 

Micro-resolutions are mini goals. Goals that are small enough to make procrastination become less of an issue for anyone.  

For example:

If you are planning to start an online business, instead dreaming about how you are going to dominate the cyberspace, think of one small action you can take right now, like reading an article written by an expert on the subject in focus. 

And after learning what you need to know to get started, think of one more action you can take right now towards that vision, like calling a programmer to design a website for you. And so on and so forth. 

Small but meaningful move, one step at a time, this is the secret of growth in nature, in business and in life. It is the secret of the most effective people in the world.

Chris Gardner, the author of 'Start Where You Are,' challenges you now to join their rank in your own life by embracing the principle of steady progress through consistent tiny actions. He writes: 

“Walk that walk and go forward all the time. Don't just talk that talk, walk it and go forward. Also, the walk didn't have to be long strides; baby steps counted too. Go forward.”

Certainly, big vision is necessary for great success. However taking small steps constantly, in sequential order is how effective people make phenomenal success happen. Though, these tiny steps may not seem to make a big difference at the moment yet, they eventually accumulate to into a giant outcome.

Whatever it is you imagine, never forget that small beginning and unremitting small steps are the royal road to lasting success.

Help Others with Compassion and Help Yourself with Self-Compassion

“A tree lives on its roots. If you change the root, you change the tree. Culture lives in human beings. If you change the human heart the culture will follow.”—Jane Hirshfield

Compassion is a virtue that springs from a merciful heart. 

And it is defined in the dictionary as having feelings of sympathy for the suffering of others and then having a genuine desire to help in lessening or eradicating that suffering.  

It is a moral quality of mercy and benevolence.

This definition is made more visceral by the following thoughts from the American social thinker, Henri Nouwen as he elucidates further on the force of compassion:

“Compassion asks us to go where it hurts, to enter into the places of pain, challenges us to cry out with those in misery, to mourn with those who are lonely, (and) to weep with those in tears.” 

From the foregoing, it is clear that true compassion is never passive. True compassion compels us to stand up for the weak, even when we are in need of help ourselves. The compassionate heart feels with empathy and then bears the burden of easing the sufferer’s pains with cheerful deeds of altruism. 

It is that lofty virtue which drove a high-earning actress away from the glitter and glamour of show business into the humble life of humanitarian service. 

Audrey Hepburn was the performer in question. She was a classic example of mercy and compassion!

Audrey gave the rest of her life to serve the needs of many helpless people in the war torn regions of Africa and Asia, voluntarily and vigorously. In the next couple of words, she revealed the motive behind her noble transition. 

She said: “Nothing is more important than empathy for another human being's suffering: not a career, not wealth, not intelligence, certainly not status. We have to feel for one another if we're going to survive with dignity.”

If you disagree with her assertion, then read what one of the greatest thinkers of the medieval period had to say about this. Saadi Shirazi, the author of the powerful book, ‘Rose Garden’ wrote as follows:

“The sons of Adam are limbs of each other, having been created of one essence. When the calamity of time affects one limb, the other limbs cannot remain at rest. If you have no sympathy for the troubles of others, you are unworthy to be called by the name of a human.”

In the meantime, let’s turn this feeling of mercy towards ourselves….

How Self-Compassion Can Make You Better

Sometimes, we are our own worst enemies, especially when we have made a few mistakes. During those tough times, we can easily strike out and cripple our own progress when positive thinking will serve us the best.

And researches show that harsh self-criticism is one of the causes of blockages in creative breakthroughs and thus, less than optimal productivity. Therefore, it is smart to be compassionate with yourself whenever you feel unhappy because you have done less than your best.  Doing this will help you to bounce back quite quickly. 

To support this argument, David Desteno, a fellow of the Association for Psychological Science writes in his book—Emotional Success—that: “When students were encouraged to be compassionate with themselves, after performing poorly on a test, they subsequently worked 30% harder.” 

You see, self-compassion proves to be as helpful to us as compassion is helpful to others in times of trouble. 

We should never forget that we are human, and no human being is awesome all the time. Therefore, we need to understand that it is not a crime to underperform every now and then. 

In this regards, the iconic servant leader—Audrey Hepburn— still has something valuable to teach us. She said: “As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one (is) for helping yourself, the other (is) for helping others.”

So, don’t run yourself down, when you hit a difficult wall, but lend yourself a helping hand and lift yourself up from every slump.

Instead of saying: “I am a complete failure,” which will attract a host of other negative emotions to keep you stuck in a hole. You should say: “For champions, everything is a learning experience, and I will try to do better next time.” 

The former can turn the bad into something far worse, but the later will likely make the most of the bad. This is how self-compassion can help you get better.

Compassion towards Others Still Benefits Us

Even though compassion is driven by the urge to help others, we are somehow helping ourselves in the process. Psychology experts have discovered that those who willingly help others can enjoy higher level of mental wellness than those cold hearts that sincerely care for no one but themselves. 

If we think about it in our own experience, we will realize how true that is. When we give hope to someone in a hopeless situation, we are likely to discover better insights on how to deal with our own problems. As the Eastern saying goes: "Be merciful to those on earth and the One in Heaven will have mercy on you.”

To put this knowledge into practice, l want to ask myself the following questions, at the beginning of each day: 

Will I bring a smile to someone's face today? 

Will I refuse to get angry today? 

Will I choose to forgive my enemies today? 

Will I choose to help the needy today?

Will I choose to let go of perfectionism today?

Live your life with the conscious awareness that, in a world filled with hatred and cruelty, you can make one more person feel better through your compassion; likewise, you can also make yourself become a little bit better with the right application of self-compassion. 

Finally, the Persian poet, Rumi brings the whole thing into a beautiful end for us with these wonderful words: “The only lasting beauty is the beauty of the heart.” And the beauty of the heart—as we have seen— is demonstrated by the deeds of love which we choose to do for others and also to our own ourselves.