LEARN TO CEASE THE INSIDIOUS HABIT OF GOSSIP

“In our appetite for gossip, we tend to gobble down everything before us, only to find, too late, that it is our ideals we have consumed, and we have not been enlarged by the feasts but only diminished.”—  Pico Iyer

How we live, whether right or wrong, good or bad, large or small manifests in our behavior which, with enough repetition crystallizes into a habit and will, if not changed, subsequently form our character identity and eventually our destiny.

So it is important to examine our established behaviours and take a step to change the unwholesome kinds to better habits in all aspects of our lives. That is why the classical Greek, Athenian scholar, Socrates counseled that, “We can’t live better than in seeking to become better.”

One of such behaviours we need to be careful about is gossip; which is: “A conversation about the personal details of other people's lives, whether rumor or fact, especially when malicious,” according to Encarta dictionary.

Some people may consider gossip a trivial matter that shouldn’t mean much in a circle of serious self-improvement. But I hope to convince you by the end of this article how serious and damaging gossip can be, not only to its victims but even to the gossipers themselves. 

The habit of gossip is not harmless, though it may appear so and that is why it is insidious. It diverts our attention from dealing with our personal problems into verbal and artificial correction of other people’s blunders.

I try to guard myself against this subtle human flaw; I hope you will strive to do even better after knowing the full nature of this invisible foe.

The most detailed and accurate description of gossip I have ever come across was a poem written by an American columnist with the pen name, Abigail Van Buren, popularly addressed as “Dear Abby.” The poem was so good that it made its first appearance on The Wall Street Journal. Here it is:

“My name is Gossip. I have no respect for justice. I maim without killing. 

I break hearts and ruin lives. I am cunning and malicious and gather strength with age. 

The more I am quoted, the more I am believed. My victims are helpless. 

They cannot protect themselves against me because I have no name and no face. 

To track me down is impossible. The harder you try, the more elusive I become. 

I am nobody’s friend. Once I tarnish a reputation, it is never the same. 

I topple governments and wreck marriages. I ruin careers and cause sleepless nights, heartaches and indigestion. 

I make innocent people cry in their pillows. Even my name hisses. I am called Gossip.

I make headlines and headaches. Before you repeat a story, ask yourself: 

Is it true? Is it harmless? Is it necessary? If it isn’t, don’t repeat it.”

WAY FORWARD: DECIDE TO ALWAYS MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS

“Refusing to gossip is a beautiful decision to make.” –Lysa TerKeurst

With the above explicit poem on gossip, it should be clear why it is necessary to make a decision not to poison your mind and defile your tongue with other people’s mess-ups—some of which may be a complete lie. 

Dr. David Schwartz explains in his book, Magic of Thinking Big, how every negative conversation is a “dose of poison” for the mind that is serious about success and progress in life. 

Schwartz also said it is a habit of small thinkers, and Eleanor Roosevelt agreed by saying, “Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.”

To raise ourselves above the average of ethics, we must eschew gossip as much as possible. And the simplest way to do that, is to ask ourselves this question, whenever we are tempted:

Does this really concern me? 

If the answer is no, then we should bluntly disengage and put our personal resources—our thoughts, time and focus— to better use; on the things that can make our life better, going forward.

To develop this new habit of intentional living, we should keep close to our heart the words of the Greek stoic philosopher, Epictetus quoted below to subdue allure of gossip, every single time. He said:

“Don’t ever speak of bad or harm on anything that is not your responsibility.”

Obviously, that applies to anyone as well. 

In short, restrain your tongue when it comes to talking wantonly about the negative affairs of other people, even when you know it is true. That is an element of strong character, if you dare.

Unleash Your Focus to Multiply Your Results

“Concentration is inspiration. You must be completely overtaken by your work and your subject. Only then do all your influences and experience come up to the surface.”—Cesar Chavez

Was there a day in your life when you totally got overtaken by an assignment or study? 

If yes, chances are, the output from that engagement stood for a long time—or even till today. That’s the life-giving power of focus and it’s what we will be studying now.

In virtually all walks of life, focus is the overriding force that separates the grain from the chaff. The founder of Luxy Hair, Alex Ikonn, was quite on point when he said, “A singular focus is the most important thing in business.”

And, that is because focus brings all our faculties into a single point which makes us so formidable that any impediment—no matter how large—eventually melts away into nothingness.

Al Ries, the author of the book, Focus, gets it and he gives a clear display of how focus works with the analogy of the Sun and a laser:

“The sun is a powerful source of energy. Every hour the sun washes the earth with billions of kilowatts of energy. Yet with a hat and some sunscreen you can bathe in the light of the sun for hours at a time with few ill effects. 

A laser is a weak source of energy. But with a laser {and the Sun}, you can drill a hole in a diamond or wipe out a cancer. A laser takes a few watts of energy and focuses them in a coherent stream of light. 

When we focus, we create the same effect. We create a powerful, laser-like ability to get anything done in our lives that we desire.”

You see, the key to producing a great result in any undertaking lies in the application of the lesson in the above analysis religiously.

So what’s important to you now?  

Do you want to grow your business?

Do you want to master a craft?

Do you want to lose weight?

Whatever it is, when you are sure of the right answer, then it is time to bring focus alive.

Andrew Carnegie, the Scottish-born U.S. industrialist and philanthropist also agreed by explaining this powerful principle in the language of business. He said:

“Concentrate your energy, thought and capital exclusively upon the business in which you are engaged...'Don't put all your eggs in one basket' is all wrong. I tell you 'put all your eggs in one basket, and then watch that basket.'

Now that is focus excellently simplified.

Also, Steve Jobs single-minded focus brought tremendous success to Apple Inc.  And he narrated his strategy of focus and execution with the following words: 

“It comes from saying no to 1,000 things to make sure we don’t get on the wrong track or try to do too much. 

We are always thinking about new markets we could enter, but it’s only by saying no that you can concentrate on things that are really important.”

According to Apple CEO, Tim Cook, he said Steve Jobs was a “no” man most of the time as he stubbornly ensured you stayed focused on doing only what you do best. For them to remain focused on what mattered most, he said, “The hardest decisions we make are all the things not to work on.”

Focus massively counts in key areas of our lives. As asserted in the opening quote by the American labour leader and civil right activist, Cesar Chavez, I challenge you and myself to decide the change we most need to make now, and focus exclusively on them until we get the results we want.

If we can do this repeatedly, we will literally astonish ourselves. Focus is power.

THE POWER OF MOVING—ONE STEP AT A TIME

“If you're climbing the ladder of life, you go rung by rung, one step at a time. Don't look too far up, set your goals high but take one step at a time. Sometimes you don't think you're progressing until you step back and see how high you've really gone.”—Donny Osmond

In the powerful book, “EAT THAT FROG,” the efficiency expert, Brian Tracy narrates how he crossed the biggest desert in the world; the Tanezrouft desert of the modern day Algeria with the strategy of taking just one step at a time. 

With this experience, he practically demonstrates to us what all champions know; and that is: there are no shortcuts to victory. So they move, just one step at a time. 

For us to win our own battles too, we only need to be sure that we are on the right path. Once that is clear, there is no need to plan our journey too far ahead. 

No need to burden ourselves with imaginary obstacles that may hinder our progress. Like the accomplished champions, we only need to move, one step at a time.

Below is the excerpt from the book as narrated by the author:

“The desert was 500 miles across in a single stretch, without water, food, a blade of grass, or even a fly. It was totally flat like a broad, yellow, sand parking lot that stretched to the horizon in all directions.

More than 1,300 people had perished in the crossing of that stretch of the Sahara in the previous years. Often, drifting sands had obliterated the tracks across the desert and the travelers had gotten lost in the night.

To counter the lack of features in the terrain, the French had marked the track with black, fifty-five gallon oil drums, FIVE KILOMETERS APART, exactly the distance to the horizon, where the earth curved away as you crossed that flat wasteland.

Because of this, wherever we were in the daytime, we could see two oil barrels, the one we had just passed and the one five kilometers ahead. And that was enough.

All we had to do was to steer toward the next oil barrel. As a result we were able to cross the biggest desert in the world by simply taking it, “one oil barrel at a time.”

You see, the thing is not about obsessing on the entire length of the stretch, the power lies in going only as far as you can see, “one oil barrel at a time.”

This is the trick that “subdued” one of the biggest distances in the world unto the feet of wise travelers of the wilderness; a journey so tough that hundreds of people had earlier perished in its track.

However, the most essential element of this idea is that you must keep moving; you must never stop, if your goal is really to reach a destination. That’s the key to making the most of one step. And that’s why the motivational speaker and author, Og Mandino said:

“Always will I take another step. If that is of no avail I will take another, and yet another. In truth, one step at a time is not too difficult... I know that small attempts, repeated, will complete any undertaking.”

Another Chinese Proverb puts it aptly that, “To get through the hardest journey we need take only one step at a time, but we must keep on stepping.”

What is true for a physical journey is true for all journeys as well, whether it is emotional or an ambitious career journey. One oil barrel at a time will make all the difference, as long as we do not stop.

So, to go as far as we want to go, we only need to go as far as we can see; and if we do just this, we would see enough to go further until we reach the summit of our own “Mount Everest.” 

Thus, we can prove that John Wanamaker, the American merchant and civic figure, was right off the bat when he said, “One may walk over the highest mountain one step at a time.”

WHAT IS TIME AND HOW CAN WE MAKE THE MOST OF IT?

“A man who dares to waste one hour of time has not discovered the value of life.”—Charles Darwin

When I read the autobiography of Benjamin Franklin, the most memorable point to me is his profound understanding of the most indefinable and fleeting of things in life: time.

And for us, he concluded that time is the most powerful instrument of success any person may command. Without doubt, excellent command of time is the single greatest reason for the spectacular and multiple successes of this very great man.

That’s why the inspiring author, Denis Waitley said, “Time is the most precious element of human existence. The successful person knows how to put energy into time and how to draw success from time.”

Come to think of it, our time is not only precious but limited, and even the most limited of all earthly resources; still, it is necessary to achieve all else in this world. For example when you are focused one thing, you are definitely not doing something else, which means whatever it is you are not yet doing—if it is important— you must make time for it whenever you are ready. 

In short, though very limited, we need time to do anything in life.

So if I asked you, “What is the greatest scarcity in the world today?”

“Is it money?” “Is it happiness?” “Is it energy?” 

The simple answer is found in the words of Scot Anderson, the author of, “Think Like a Billionaire, Become a Billionaire.” From his study of billionaires, he concludes:

“A billionaire’s most valuable asset is not his money, nor his house, not even his corporation but it is his time. Time is the only limited resource we all have.”

All those valuables—money, house, corporation, energy and happiness—can be increased by humans if and when they really want to, but the only thing that is absolutely fixed is time; 24-hours in a day and not a second more, no matter what you think and do. So our best chance, therefore, is to make the most of our fixed supply.

It is on this basis that I have brought for you 7 canons of time management from one of the greatest thinkers of the last century: Napoleon Hill.

I hope you can derive worth in adapting these guides to your own life. Enjoy.

NAPOLEON HILL’S 7 COMMITMENTS TO “DOCTOR” TIME.

One, time is my greatest asset, and I shall relate myself to it on a budget system which provides that every second not devoted to sleep shall be used for self-improvement.

Two, I shall regard the loss, through neglect of any portion of my time as a sin for which I must atone by the better use in the future of an equivalent amount of it.

Three, recognizing that I shall reap that which I sow, I shall sow only the seeds of service—with my time—which may benefit others as well as myself, and thereby throw myself—favourably—in the way of the great Law of Compensation.

Four, I shall so use my time in the future that each day will bring me some measure of peace of mind, in the absence of which I shall recognize that the seed I have been sowing needs reexamination.

Five, knowing that my habits of thought become the patterns which attract all the circumstances affecting my life through the lapse of time, I shall keep my mind so busy in connection with the circumstances I desire that no time will be left to devote to fears and frustrations, and the things I do not desire.

Six, recognizing that my allotted time on the earth plane is definite and limited, I shall endeavour in all ways possible to use my portion of it so that those nearest me will benefit by my influence, and be inspired by my example to make the best possible use of their own time.

Finally , when my allotment of time shall have expired, I hope I may leave behind me a monument to my name—not a monument in stone, but in the hearts of my fellowmen—a monument whose marking will testify that the world was made a little better because of my having passed this way.

As I do, I feel that you too now have a better understanding of what time is and how to utilize it for a worthy purpose. So, whenever you find yourself goofing off a bit on any day, please refer to this piece, every time, to get back on track.

Everything we truly want shall be possible the moment we learn to relate ourselves well to the precious agent of all opportunities; the universal doctor of all human ills: the powerful gift of time.